13: No 'Gun' At All

Katerina got up, eager to find out if John from Ref had finally lost it. In between the soundtrack of Bob’s out-of-breath squat thrusts and his sawing-through-toenails, she’d heard John shouting RAINBOW STRIPE NYLON DOOR CURTAIN! in the main library. There was no way she was missing this.

Even as she headed out to see what was going on, a Danger sign flashed in the back of her mind. From day one, she’d entertained the thought that John was the kind of person who might one day be part of a news story that concluded with the words: Before Turning The Gun On Himself. She wondered if her ‘hunch’ was perhaps now coming true. She wondered who he’d mow down first. She hoped it would be Bob.

As she got closer, she could see Linda had a death-grip on John’s arm. Katerina got excited that Linda might be wrestling John for his gun, and wondered what the outcome of that would be. She thought about how quiet the library usually was at this time of day. She wasn’t sure if there had been some weird kind of tear in the fabric of the universe, but things definitely didn’t feel right. Something seemed to be making the animals cranky.

Linda was waving a clipboard and dragging John towards the lift. At this close range, Katerina was a bit disappointed to see there was no gun at all. She thought to herself: This is no ‘gun’ at all, and wondered if she could make it into a clever joke or whether it would always be just a bad pun. She made the decision then and there to repeat the line to Bob every time he tried to bench press the Encyclopedia Britannica. She decided she would make a gun shape with her hand whenever she said it, too. The terribleness of the pun would drive Bob mad. The thought of this makes Katerina grin uncontrollably. She is still grinning when she hears the noise.